Bill, hard at work on the GBNJ Call Center assisting with all of your supernatural needs.

By Bill Malkin, GBNJ Customer Service Supervisor

As we get closer to Halloween I would like to take a moment to discuss Halloween safety.  Here are a few tips to keep you safe while having fun during your many spooky activities:

1 .  Inspect all candy or other treats before you eat them.  Class 5 Full Roaming Vapors like Slimer are gluttonous ghosts drawn to wherever food is in excess.  and trust me there is nothing worse than taking a big bite of your favorite candy…that has been covered in thick ectoplasmic mucus.

2.  Don’t play around with Ouija boards.  Sure the mass produced one you can buy at Target is made with plastics and cardboard, and probably won’t open a portal to the “otherside”, but why risk it.  The last thing you want is to invite demon to possess you during a Halloween party because you thought it would be “fun” to try to summon the spirit of Gram-gram.  Besides the only resolution we have is to hose you down with positively charged mood slime and that will ruin your costume and probably embarrass you in front of your friends.

3.  Stay away from haunted houses.  ya know that house at the end of the street that looks abandoned, and everyone in the neighborhood *knows* is haunted?  Don’t go inside because it will only end in one of two ways.  Either you will be stuck in a personal Hell of supernatural torment as a demigorgan tries to drag you to the “upside-down”, (say his to Barb for us.)  or the house isn’t haunted and you will be arrested for trespassing and be thrown in jail.  Either way it will probably result you being covered in some sort of slime.